I have to wonder if I just dreamed the last few days.

Yesterday, I dueled with my father, and well...I had to lose. I mean, obviously...I wasn't going to because...who wants to lose? It was embarrassing! Really, really embarrassing. After meeting with Guinevere in the tent I decided that I'd fight at my full skill and let the result fall where it would. It's the knightly thing to do after all.

But well...it's not like when I was a child and I used to dream of going up against my father and winning - Morgana's father used to let me win, it took me forever to figure that one out. But yes, Father would never fight with me, he took duelling seriously...VERY seriously. Which I suppose makes sense when you consider Uncle Tristan.

But anyway, I was out there on the tournament field and more than able to defeat him, not that he wasn't good - I have to make that clear, even if no-one reads this. It's not as if he was absolutely useless out there. Frankly I think I made a rather good showing of losing without...losing obviously.

And of course he was insufferable about it. Honestly! The gloating that man can do! If there was a tournament for that he'd win hands down.

It didn't help that about five minutes after 'losing' I realised the rather unpleasant fact that Father was to fight in the final. Who was he going to be up against? It was either this rather talented knight from the East or...I'm not sure who he was, a boy from the country, Billy, Willie? I wasn't paying attention really. On the face of it I thought, Father's chances would be better with the boy, I mean, he's was all scrawny, reminds me of Merlin really. But then again, he HAD killed someone in the tournament.

Anyway, scrawny or not, this Billy or Willie or whoever, is very impressive, really, if I'd been able to get hold of him afterwards I would have invited him to join the guards.

He lost though, I think it was just brute strength that got Father through, skilled fighter or not someone as scrawny as that didn't really have a hope.

So! Father is the Champion, for another ten years...and if he decides to compete next time, I'm not going to show him any mercy.

And he knows it, because he knows I lost purpose. Really, I didn't think he would he was so busy gloating (really it was embarrassing to watch), but no.

I was expecting him to...well...I don't know, tell me off? Go on how disappointed in me he was? But no...he was grateful! Actually GRATEFUL that I hadn't embarrassed him. I've never seen Father grateful before.

And he told me he'd watch my training, through all the years...I never knew. I thought he didn't even care. But he knew everything about it, every little thing. I can't believe he never bothered to tell me! I don't even...

So yes... very strange...

And then it got stranger, because this...Nexus likes to hit a person when them down.

I ran into a very familiar lady, but not familiar...Because I'd never seen her before.

She was me of course, a FEMALE me, why does this sort of thing happen? It's disturbing!

But not as disturbing what happened next, oh no, I'll probably have nightmares about that...I ran into Merlin. But not as I know him. He was an HER!

I don't even...

A girl Merlin...I mean...I've told him that before, but...it's quite different seeing him, her like that.

I'll never dream peacefully again...possibly...